"You CANNOT be serious!!!????!!!!"

I was a little too young to witness John McEnroe outbursts when they happened but I did see a lot of the comedy references to it later, I swear he was made more famous for anger management issues than for playing Tennis ;o)

Anyway, has anyone seen this on forum posts or profiles recently?

"There are no serious people here"
"I thought I met some nice people but it turned out they were not serious"
"Don't bother contacting me unless you are serious about meeting me........"

It is a sad state of affairs when people consider the seeking scene a bit like a market where they should be able to 'look' find something they want and pick it up.  If they are making a generous offer for the goods than that should be seriously considered, we may even done a bit of haggling 'I know you are looking for someone under 35 but I am a young 49' or 'I am not really into farm life but I can take care of my house plants ok so obviously, it is the same right?'  if it is rejected than the seller is obviously not serious!!!!

You cannot use commerce logic when it comes to relationships, just because you make an offer does not mean it is acceptable to the seller. Rejection is not a nice thing to consider, no one likes to think that someone does not like us, especially when we have made an effort to show this other person/people how awesome we are!!!

We may have not received sufficient information for why we have been rejected and perhaps that uncertainty makes us assume that it must be that those others are not serious.  But let us not fool ourselves people, no one (barring the fakes and fraudsters who are covered elsewhere)  signs up to a site, posts a 'real' photo of themselves and starts conversing without being serious about finding someone, but this is about relationships, not just picking off a shelf and as such many people are still looking  for traits in Poly that were important for them in a Mono relationship, which is the smart thing to do if those traits are important for you in a mate, otherwise,what sort of foundation does your relationship have?  

Yes, perhaps some set their standards too high, some expectations may not be realistic, granted.  But that does not mean that those standards are not something that people do not and should not take seriously.  If it is important for a woman to have a husband who makes good money, she may not have put it in her profile, perhaps she knows it would make her appear mercenary?  But it does not mean that it isn't something that she will take into consideration when you contact her.  Perhaps he has a thing for slim women, his wife wrote his profile and she did not write that because it doesn't even occur to her, she fits his type and she does not realise it is an issue.  You may be conversing with the wife for a while but the husband appears cool and distant.  You may think he is not serious but your new friend may be loath to tell you (when he finally tells her) that her husband just did not find you physically attractive, so, she goes quiet, maybe starts ignoring you or contacts you with some sort of weak excuse about why it wouldn't work that you clearly recognise as a lie.....and alas, another myth is borne of the 'Non-serious seeker'.

Yes, I do realise that many of these claims could be banished by better communication but let's be honest, who wants to be the cold hearted bitch who tells a person exactly why they are rejecting someone, especially people we actually quite like? Just because I cannot imagine ever wanting to live on a farm in Kentucky/have a wife who is 12 years older than me/have a husband who has no front teeth/have to live in a trailer/be in a family with seven kids under 12 already etc etc etc.  Does not mean we want to tell you that, because you know what? We like you, we think you are nice and hope you meet someone who won't mind all that.   It is in our nature to protect feelings as much as possible and so....sometimes, weak daft lies/excuses/half truths come out. 

So, perhaps before you go on to boldly claim that there is no one serious, remember that it isn't that they were not serious, they just were not seriously into you, this does not mean that there is not someone out there who will be totally into your offer who may have rejected others in their turn because they were actually seeking someone like you!