Babies Babies Babies

I went to a Thanksgivingkah dinner at the Synagogue the other night, it was nice, I was at the end of the table which was a bit lonely (I was a wee bit late so just sat at the first seat I saw empty) but to be honest I was a bit tired and not up to much so it actually suited me (it was a really busy week just gone) anyway, lucky for me the lovely babe slept through the whole first two courses, allowing me to eat the most complicated dishes easily and woke up only at dessert, but I shared some of my pie with her and she liked it.

There was singing and pictures being taken and I was letting the babe dance on my lap and generally just playing and fussing with her as I love to do.
And old man was leaving with his family and had to pass by me (I was the seat closest to the door) and he said 'Lovely, don't just stop at one, have more'
I smiled generously and said 'Yes, I know I will...'

I am not sure why he felt the need to comment on my replacement output but anyhow, I just said something to satisfy him and hopefully deny any reason for any more comment.

(It's bizarre really, just four/five years ago you did not see any babies and few children at services, now....well it is brimming with babies and children, the babe even managed to cause a little 'scene' by attracting a throng of little boys to her the other day...oooops, got to watch this girl she already has lots of male followers ;o))

In truth I would love another but it's not always so easy especially for a single woman....I dunno, I know I am blessed with what I have though because it so nearly didn't happen......

So, after a few years of infertility, babies were a sore spot for me, even after my fertility returned I was plagued by 'Lackofdecentpartnerty' for years, than it was 'Lackofspermity' which got me as my 30's were rapidly approaching its end.

I recall once rather testily saying to a partner 'Some of us haven't had the amount of children they actually wanted!!!!'  When he was commiserating with his wife about how glad he was that the nappy changing days were over.  *sigh* that hurt so much at the time but I should have been understanding that that side of their life was over and happily for them because it was many years of hardship for them which I couldn't possibly understand entirely though this difference between us in life paths...was probably a really bright beacon of the Universe saying 'This relationship is not really right for you or them' but I was too blind to see it.

The desire to have another child was far greater than any other consideration.

And there is the rub, whether a woman wants a child, doesn't want a child or doesn't know yet.  That decision will take the greatest priority over any and all relationships when it comes down to it and it is her decision, she can't be cajoled or persuaded into or out of it, that way equals drama and dysfunction, but try telling these seekers that....bloody hell, it is like talking to a rock..

In the Poly scene there are so many people seeking because they want more children than the wife is able to bear. "I want many more children" a recent profile says "My wife can't  have any more"  all quite common until he wrote 'Looking for a fertile....' 

Urgh, why did he have to write that?  You know that would have turned me off at any age and that is the thing, it is hard to describe how degrading that sentence is but I got the bloke to agree to remove fertile after a long post about how wrong that was and congratulated myself on enlightening someone...except...Oh noes, I checked his profile now, fertile has disappeared and in its place is ..

Maybe open to hiring the right girl as a nanny or surrogate first! 

Arrrrghhhhhh!!!!!  I didn't get through at all, not a damn thing did that man hear.  It went from one way of degrading women (young, sweet, pure and without children, specifically) to another worse way. This is the sad thing, I blame Robyn Brown (I still love you Robyn don't worry) and her really generous offer of being a surrogate for Kody and Meri. Because his is not the first surrogate couple I have come across, I had a long talk with a man recently who had the 'have kids with the second wife' idea of increasing their family, whilst she had the 'we will become Super BFFs and she will be my surrogate' fantasy.

It is almost as much of a long shot to think that you would be super BFFs let alone that this woman  will pass you over her genetic offspring and it saddens me that people are looking for a surrogate with no legal protection for her instead of going through a legal route which would protect all parties, especially the child. Or in one case someone believes that having another adult in the house and paying for their medical maternity is cheaper than fertility treatment (it isn't).

I really worry about the quality of seekers at the moment, the scene has been flooded by a lot of entitled couples looking for their Margene's or Robyn's, women (girls) who will accept what they are given, do what they say, live the way they want and now, turn over their children to their infertile wives :(
I am not unsympathetic, as I wrote above I have been infertile in my life, it was temporary but that didn't make it any less painful  at the time. I would have preferred to have had all the children I wanted in my 20s because now I should be enjoying exotic holidays and ermmm stuff innit!! ;)

Not that I should be so bothered of course, these couples tend to leave me alone (too old and impure I guess - hell yeah!!! ;))

My sister says I take it all to seriously because I have cabin fever....probably right of course but, I don't know, I enjoy my Clueless seekers indignation!