One by-product of our ownership/possession monogamist standard of intimate relationships is the fact that we feel we have the right, the right of full and complete access to our partner whole-bodily no matter what....well growing up in a culture where possession and jealousy = love it is a hard habit to break out of or even recognise.
I watched the latest episode of Modern Family this morning, a sitcom, I don't mind admitting, I am very fond of. A strand of the story concerns neurotic Claire and laidback but goofy husband Phil inviting a prospective client of Phil's over to try and win his custom (Phil is an estate agent/Realtor) Said client was very affectionate to Claire, kissing her in the mouth, which she considered inappropriate and she told her husband so. Phil was unconcerned, telling her that he is just well travelled and they are more affectionate abroad etc etc.
Anyway, turns out, Phil was right, this guy kissed just about everyone on the lips. Claire, relieved that she wasn't being hit on, starts to relax in the guys company and laughs at his joke....a which point, Phil gets upset and insists they both have to leave. So speaketh Phil to the (unseen) documentary team "You can kiss my wife, sleep with my wife but no one makes my wife laugh but me" (of course, Phil has to go back and correct that part four times!!!). Claire is ecstatic, "Your jealousy proves you love me" she gushes.....
I think my heart just sank a little at that part....Possession = love reinforced in my favourite current sitcom.
So, I just had a little bit of a moment when I remembered a part of a conversation I had last night when I just found out a long term friend of mine has told me two huge whopping great lies in the last 15 years. I am due to see her soon for drinks and I grew rather cross about it, wondering whether I should cancel or confront her. I can only assume she thought I would judge her ( she was wrong). What really irks me is that I made judgements about others based on false information because of her lies and I hate the fact that I have done so.
But I had to remind myself that I have no right to insist that she share, it is her business not mine. But I suppose I do have a right to be told nothing instead of lies, there is little excuse for deceit except for emotional weakness and lies, emotional manipulations and other bad behaviour are just not done.
I respect my friends right to keep her secret but I lost respect for the lies she told to cover it..
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