Poly Development

I know I am a hardass when it comes to boneheaded couples entering the scene with unreasonable demands for a mythical fantasy.  I need to be more understanding that we all enter this scene knowing nothing (much) But as we learn from experience (because as good as book learnin' iz, we gotta learn from experience...) we change, we grow and so do our needs...perhaps I do not give enough credit to those who develop, who learn.

Someone wrote on a Poly forum recently, that we need to have patience, many couples when first starting out are still insecure and nervous about Poly being a threat to their relationship, they stick rigidly to rules and tropes that do not feel threatening to their dyad, hence the popularity of hierarchical patterns and unicorn triad formation.  This is safe and familiar but once they gain experience and security they feel more confident about letting relationships be what they are without such rigidity of rules and roles.

However..... what we often see in the scene are, perpetual newbies who are hindering their own opportunities for experience by self limitation,   their image of perfect poly is actually preventing them from becoming Poly in the first place.  Telling some Poly seekers that though is often as futile as telling a 22 year old virgin that he must try to avoid coming across as desperate, they will blunder from situations to situations, forums to forums and personal sites to personal sites desperately trying to pop their poly cherry.  And they, like the 22 year old will suck at it at first, only with experience do we learn the skills to work Poly out.

I had a very frustrating (blogging) conversation with a girl about the same age as my virgin, trying to persuade her that 'difficult = harder' because she was convinced that she was using it to mean.....not harder...as in Poly relationships were not really harder than Monogamous ones.....she swears she heard that from a few Poly couples (sic) but I cannot imagine who the heck told her that!!??!!!?!   It was all I could do not not bang my head against the wall....
Needless to say, she is not Poly herself, but if she ever is, she is so in for a huge surprise, poly personal development, I salute you!!!