Vampire Sexuality, sex and the single girl pt. deux

I am still de-constructing my attraction and sexuality thing.  Those who know me, know I have a particular affinity for the Gothic look, for myself and in men.  Particularly Victorian Goth.  I love men in historical dress in general but men in Victorian costume, even better.

Pale, tall with dark long hair?  Well that will just make me a hot mess!!!

So in my last post I posted Tom Hiddleston's Loki and early/Mid 80s Andrew Eldrich who seem to epitomise this look. Though in general I tend to attract men with fair hair, not sure why it is just one of those weird things. 

Anyway, I think the roots of this fascination was my early childhood, I had a television in my bedroom and my mother was...let's just say, not very strict back then.  I watched late night movies, Hammer Horror was a particular favourite. Not sure if there were many seven year old girls who knew Vincent Price, Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee on sight but I did.  One of my first weird flutters of sexual excitement was watching a Little boy Vampire in Salem's Lot.  Ok, far from Victorian, it was filmed and set in the 70s but for some reason, I found the spooky, pale, dangerous boy, trying to entice another to open the window and let him in....the most sexiest thing my little mind had ever experienced.  Is it no wonder I grew up fairly Goth? And with a particular liking for dominant men? And Aristocratic...damn, that is Loki again,  bloomin Tom Hiddleston!!

The only Backstreet boys video I have, and ever will, watch

Except it has been hard to fully commit to Goth, especially Victorian Goth, which takes a lot of a) time and b) money, being fairly poor and lazy has meant that I am usually quite demi Goth and since the advent of the Babe, hardly externally Goth at all.  Or maybe because my colour and body shape goes against the Vampire aesthetic I have been too insecure to fully commit to it or maybe even feel that it would be hard for me to attract a mate who is in that scene because they would want someone who more stereotypically fits that look?

I greatly enjoyed the CSI: Episode called Blood Moon (S11e3) in which Vampire lifestylers clash with Werewolf lifestylers.  They were all murderous nutters of course, it is CSI after all, but one thing I recalled about the episode is the fact that they stressed how disciplined the Vampires were. 
It is like that Vampire diet thing, by feeding, you can kill and it is dangerous so you are permanently hungry, that hunger controls you but you need to exhibit SO much self control to not give in.  Vampires look hungry, being hungry makes people miserable.  Fat and jolly is not very Vampire.  I am fat and jolly. Especially post natally, nothing makes me more fat and more jolly than the first few years of a baby's life.  I love this time, babies are too adorable and toddlers are totally evil and yet totally fascinating. 

Someone said once that Vintage is where old Goths go to die (ok, I made up the die part) but of course, I DID go Vintage and I do love it, it is certainly easier to cope with a baby and toddler as a Vintage mother than a Goth one (YOU try changing nappies with Bat wing sleeves!) but I still love my Goth look and wish I could fully commit to it but could I ever be so self indulgent?  Especially as a mother of a young child?  Could 'I' ever have that Vampire discipline? 
I am not sure, but until I decide, I am going to eat some chocolate and watch some telly....set in the 18th century of course.....