My crush before a day of training.

How childish is a crush?  I recall about a decade ago being almost scathing in my reaction to a friend of mine talking about leaving her pHd programme because something about a bloke she fancied finding out she fancied him, yadda yadda teenage drama....she was 35.

Anyway, she did not leave the programme and now she is a Doctor

And single.

Crushing never got me anywhere as a teen.  It was only when I was older and in relationships frequently I hardly had time for them, men came, men went, almost none met through work or a situation which required knowing someone in a professional way.  More likely I met them in a social setting and then alcohol did the rest.

Then I was at home, pregnant.  My social life was almost entirely online and I skipped mostly out of my hobby out of feeling, poor, fat and frumpy, besides carrying a small baby and toddler around does get you a lot of attention....for your BABY!!!  Mostly from other women who adore her. Gawd, I make cute kids, I really do and they have the BEST personalities, I am really blessed.  But that did not help on the relationship front. Lovers have never been all that hard for me to find but emotional attachments, not so easy.

So a job, a hope and a prayer (ok, a few, I had Hashem on speed dial)
I started getting some signs that things were a foot, I consulted my Oracles, all said, yes, it is happening, be patient. Wait.  Don't stress, don't push.

And then just suddenly out of the blue I found myself standing next to probably the most skinny, scruffy man I have met at work, ever!

And he is beautiful.

I am enamoured, I am pathetically mute in his company, though I am also able to front it greatly.  He is adorkable, in all the best ways. He doesn't like the fact he is losing his hair, he has no idea what a gym is (WIN!!!!!) and he tells terrible "jokes".

And his voice is as deep, real deep, far too deep for a man that a man with a negative body mass index  ought to have, I swear, it is the kind of voice you can never get bored of listening to.  I could tell he was in the hallway because I heard the bass timbre of his voice.  Thank goodness for 4 years of drama otherwise it would be clear to everyone in a room that I am hopelessly infatuated.

Tomorrow we have a training day and he will be there, though he has someone who he is training and so she will be stuck to him like a limpet and I am pretty sure I won't get to spend any alone time with him any more.   Wish me luck cyber space. I need it.

After training.

I am just not sure what to think,  I am pretty sure he is keen but what the heck do I know?  If he talked to anyone else the way he spoke to me, perhaps I could just brush it off as his personality but I can't, he definitely talks to me differently.

I am SO impatient, this is killing me.  He said he thought he was dull today.  Are you kidding me?  What is it with men with low self esteem I mean...really?  He is fookin awesome!!!

#crushingit  #nohairdontcare 

If the oracles say be patient, I will be patient, I am NOT asking any man out again, look what happened the last time and the time before...the time before and the time before that?