More terminology horror

I have noticed more recently a swathe of people using this phraseology : -

*Looking for a woman to join our relationship*

*Wants to add a female to our relationship*

Why is this unpleasant and problematic?

Because who wants to spend their lives living in someone else's relationship?  A relationship is only between two, even if those two have one or more partners and even if there is one family, each relationship deserves to be and should be, whole and unique, since every person is whole and unique.

Joe Darger was interviewed once and said he feels he has a monogamous relationship with each wife.  I feel it is a bit of a messy way of saying it, since he clearly is not a monogamous man and people are unlikely to think beyond that word, but what he means is that although there are three wives in the family, each marital relationship is its own separate thing.

Why is making the distinction important?

Because every relationship needs to stand up on its' own.  It is not 'part of' something else, it is something on its own.
Many couples (Original Couple)are so couple-centric , they do not realise they are asking someone to have a relationship that is totally reliant on their relationship.  Recently, someone in the Polyamory community referred to  it as a T shaped relationship, with the top bar as the OC.  This is not equilateral, compare it to a triad triangle or a Polygamy V, each side is equal, a T on the other hand, always has the third person in an inferior and unequal place to the OC relationship, if something happens to the OC, the third member runs the risk of losing her relationship also.  In fact, their place is so reliant on the OC continuing as a couple that they are unlikely to have any sort of relationship with one member of the OC without the intense involvement of the other member of the OC.

How is this sustainable?  Well frankly it isn't. The OC  may go through many disappointments before they find out that it is their mindset that is not working rather than Poly itself being the problem..

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