I am not a superwoman

I see a lot of flack going Kirstie Allsop's way regarding her recent article saying that she thought women should postpone University and instead concentrate on having babies.

She wrote "At the moment, women have 15 years to go to university, get their career on track, try and buy a home, and have a baby. That is a hell of a lot to ask someone. As a passionate feminist, I feel we have not been honest enough with women about this issue."

Blinkin heck, so it is.....when I was 13 I thought I had my career path sewn up, kids were not on the menu, I knew what High School I would go to, I knew I would go to a University, I knew what I wanted to study and I knew I wanted a pHd.  Of course I did not factor in hormones and my mother.

First we left the US and went back to London which changed my whole education culture and then I became an adolescent beast monster who just cared about being cool YO....I decided I wanted to be a bassist in a heavy metal band instead. (*smh*)

Then an actress.....

Then I had a baby.

I wanted another child but after a failed marriage it was a decade later and still no Knight in tarnished armour...... as we all know, I had a baby anyway, I know enough about biology to know that waiting would be stupid.  One of my BFF's is still waiting, we were born three weeks apart.  I know she wants children though but she has no desire to be a single parent and would rather wait.  Meanwhile our other friend is carrying her fifth baby in her third soon to be husband no doubt.  

Life is strange, it can throw curve balls at you.  My single friend has been working solidly since she was 16 years old, my other friend has been having babies since she 22 and hasn't been employed since.
I did it Kirstie's way, I had the baby and then went to Uni. but again life throws you curveballs, I got divorced and then had to change my career path yet again because I was now a single parent and it was just too hard to do it all, especially with a hostile ex and frankly doing things Kirstie's way, looking for a nice boyfriend to have babies with when you are 21 will more often mean that he doesn't make the best partner for you at 30 (as I found to my cost, not that I planned my eldest mind). 

She said women are being let down by the system, I feel they are being let down by the paradigm, this nuclear family, engaged in serial monogamy doesn't do anyone any good really, it is stressful and doesn't allow for any sort of self actualising within it because you are so tied down to your roles.

Kirstie Allsop says 'Go to University when you are 50 instead'  but that is pretty easy to say when you have money to live well off of until that time, when your partner is older and already has a house and your family is wealthy like Kirstie's is.  For many people they will worry about childcare and housing because they live in a flat share or live with their parents and our society feel that a 'family' needs their own space.

Now that I am older, I know that being a single working mother or a married monogamously working mother are not my only choices in life.  I can live intentionally, I can have the freedom to live communally and share the load with others.  My child does not have to be  institutionalised from 8am to 6pm because I need to work and doesn't have to be with an unqualified babysitter because that is all I can afford. 

Yes Kirstie the system does let us down, sadly not all of us come from money so that we can easily beat the system.  Some of us need the help of other people. The system needs a complete overhaul for the rest of us.

But I DO applaud Allsop for pointing out that being a feminist also means pointing out the way progressive expectations are also letting women down, I suffered trying to fit myself into the current paradigm, I knew I was expected to work, I still suffer from the idea that I am not being the high powered career women my culture says I should be.  I suffer from the high expectation my mother put on my IQ that I fritter away on Facebook and my  hobbies.  I suffer from feminist guilt that I would rather not work right now and just have more beautiful babies and that being home with my baby is fulfilling me in ways that working never could.

The last 18 years have changed me a great deal.  I have every intention of telling my daughters that they do not need to be superwomen they just needs to be all they want to be.