You may think it is a good idea, after all, you are in this together!!! This is not some sort of male led sex fantasy in which the wife only agrees to because she wants to keep her man thank you very much! This is something you want too, in fact, you brought it up! But the show of strength exhibited by the linkage is a false one and ultimately proves a fundamental lack of awareness of what it is to be Poly.
Name linkage is popular amongst seekers, a quick random search on .net of 200 couples aged between 18-55, seeking a sisterwife, found a massive 16% of name linking user profiles, for those of you who think 16% isn’t a lot, I could not find a similar pattern amongst any of the rest of the names and can therefore be assumed to be the largest username pattern in Poly seeking ads.
Name linking not only shows a sense of ‘in this togetherness’ for potential partners, it along with the pernicious ‘The Jones Fam’ or ‘MrandMrsSmith4u’ shows a very strong sense of identifying oneself through ones marital relationship. By identifying as a couple in all things, seekers show that they are one unified body and if they themselves are a unit, than anyone and everyone else is ‘other’. I have also seen the sad cases of people who have found a new partner identifying with the dyadic marital relationship, what does that say about the role the potential other partner has, where does she (and it is almost always a she) fit in? If she is regulated to second place in something so simple as a user name, what about difficult familial decisions, will they be made en masse or will they be led under the headship of JohnAndJane?
Also, what does it say about your ability and desire to be an individual and have a relationship with a new partner that is unique and stands up on its own? If you’re a woman will you expect your husband to take your part when you have an argument with your sisterwife? If you are the husband do you feel it is natural to consult your legal wife on important matters first and then you will (eventually) get around to telling your non-legal wife or even worse, decide to tell her together!
One of the problems I found with Big Love’s Bill was that he very often told people what they wanted to hear to keep the peace, this was especially true of Barb and Margene who, unlike Nicki, had (thought she had) different marital expectations. In the final episode of the second season Barb told Bill that to live Polygamously she had to be assured that she was number one and will always come first, Bill agreed to this, which was of course a double cross, Bill had no intention of listening to her.
This head wife/primary situation is possible of course, as long as everyone wants and agrees to it and the parties don’t all live together. But once the word wife or egalitarian come into your description than this mindset must be put away and your new partner must have all the rights inside the home as your longer term partner, but you really need’nt have all three names on a profile, just….be an individual.
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