Wow, that was really enlightening, I had sent some newbies off to a really useful Poly resource early this am, only to then get sucked into it myself as I read through almost a years worth of dramatic ups and downs within one woman's Poly journey.
You know, I think everyone would like to think 'they' are the exception. They are smarter, more communicative or more 'charming' than all the other people looking for, or attempting a triad but at the end of the day, we are all hopelessly fighting a losing battle because it is not the people at fault, it is just a completely flawed configuration.
Sometimes it seems like being 'Krusha of Poly Dreams!!!!!!!' to point this fact out to all the eager eyed hopefuls entering with this ideal of perfect threesome unity. You know I am not too sure where the line is between wanting to helpfully guide people to the facts and frustration that people are still falling for the Complete and fulfilling Triad ideal. Which is documented by many failures and hardly any successes (compared with other forms of Poly). But that is my own failing, because you cannot expect people new to the concept to know this.
So, this thread was to me, the sort of thread that should be required reading for all people new to poly. It was full of so many wonderful Polyamory/Unicorn/Couple Fronting tropes such as:
Unequal distribution of affection
OC instigating rigid rules regarding affection/intimacy/contact
OC sharing correspondence under the guise of 'openness'
Needy Unicorn frustrated by lack of parity.
Emotional meltdown of someone feeling left out of the NRE
OC reasserting their marriage as 'Primary'
Unicorn being re-cast as evil* by one member of the OC, who then works to 'enlighten' the other member of the OC.
Unicorn being re-cast as 'not really bisexual'
More people being brought in as OC look to recreate the triad structure with a new person who then appears (temporarily at least) perfect.
More people added as Member of OC needs more dates to offset feelings of jealousy.
Polysaturation as OC get caught up with many new loves.
OC again reassert their marriage as primary and dump all secondary partners.
Monogamy phase.
OC missing sexual (esp. same sex) connections
Monogamish phase.
This is a valid journey and besides the (~4) broken hearts they left in their wake, it is a very interesting read about the development of a new Poly couple.
* catch all term to describe the many Poly evils that are often thrown around when a Unicorn fails to live up to the Poly rules.
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