Poly, pregnancy and couple privilege

Sometimes differences you never really noticed before become more apparent over time, for example, I have spent the last few days reading a Polyamory forum, I can't say I would necessarily contribute anything useful to it, there are plenty of experienced people on it and a wide range of people practising different types of Poly.  So I am a lurker but I find it all very illuminating, I think the threads on triads and unicorns should be essential reading for any of those newbies posting profiles about looking for their 'thirds' but today I read some threads tagged 'Pregnancy' and wow, how did I ever miss the different mindsets between the Polygamous community and the Polyamorous one?  Well I suppose it was just I never looked out for it, the websites I mostly frequent were more emphasised on Poly families than Poly relationships as were the blogs I read.  So the idea of having and wanting children are always part of the deal.  Everything else I just ignored, now that the idea of pregnancy and Poly is more of an imperative I just have been paying more attention.

In the Polygamous community,  children are usually wanted and/or expected by seeking couples, it is something I suppose that is expected to come with a marital level commitment and so, people prepare for it.
In the Polyamorous community there is no such expectation, all levels of commitment are experienced within and, it seems, parenting and breeding children and very much kept within the covering of the OC, in some cases even in very long term committed other relationships.

I had not realised the strong feelings that occurred in those situations but there seem to be many wives very willing to veto their husbands committed other relationship, or even, in one case, ending her own relationship with the same person, to prevent the possibility of her husband ever accidentally impregnating the other partner.  (Vasectomy is not being considered since she is unsure whether she may want more children herself) but that privilege is for herself and herself only.

Of course, this comes into play when you have a Poly system set up where one can veto already established relationships, when one is expected to always stick to a Primary-Secondary model.  Which is all part of the couple privilege. 

Now a child of course is a lifetime commitment, it makes sense to only have children with someone you are sure you can trust, I say trust, rather than any other more soppy type of feeling or ideal because all that may not last, saying 'Only have children with someone you love' is ridiculous, love is so transient really. Anyone with a really bad relationship with an ex they share children with can tell you how useless that provision is.

However if you trust a person to work with you, rather than against you even if you do not stay together than children can be a blessing in all sorts of relationship configurations, as you can imagine I am not all that comfortable with the idea  the '2.4 standard' which still seems such a pervasive ideal even amongst Poly types.

Anyway, with the constant arguments with newbies coming into the scene with the very same couple protecting behaviour one often finds with people seeking triads, I suppose I should not be surprised that this extends to possession of DNA but still because I had not considered it before, it rather surprised me.

I suppose we just all have to remember we are all on different parts of the radical scale, some people feel that letting their spouse have sex with someone else and not really minding is mind blowingly radical  enough!  Then there are those types who want to break down the dyadic hegemony entirely and we may think that those who place limitations are like totally square maaaaaaan....  but that is just our perceptions of the world, why should we automatically assume that all Poly people are on the same place in this radical spectrum?  For some people, sexual non monogamy is enough.  I just sometimes find it a little humorous that I feel like the biggest freak in freakland so much.....