I have been thinking quite a lot about group marriage and today I saw a Poly personal ad that started...
The wife is bi-sexual and men are straight. So we are looking for someone who can be a partner to all members of the family.
*sigh* It is a bit depressing as I would love to hear of some more functioning group marriages but this ad is nothing more than a slightly different Unicorn. As we all know finding a person to fall into romantic love with two people is damn near impossible, ask the millions (yes I know it is a huge exaggeration) of Unicorn Hunters out there all over the Poly boards. Getting a person to love three? Well that is just living in lala land. And such divergent people also, a younger man in his 20s, a woman in her mid 30s and an older man...what the heck, they are not looking for a Unicorn, they are looking for a Golden Unicorn with a Crystal horn I mean....is this for real?
As regular readers know I am ALL for the group marriage...any relationship form which can have lots of committed adults raising children together is amazing and if it breaks the stranglehold of dyadism, even better buuuuuut looking for super Unicorns sprinkled with glitter is not the way to build strong group marriages, it is just the way to enter into the same crash and burn relationship cycle other UH-ers have..
Why are the men allowed to behave in a heterosexual manner and not forced to engage in sexual activity with all members as potential women must do? Just because that is the practice and desire of the original female, why must it be assumed to be a universal rule? What if a potential does not like the men? Or maybe likes one man but not the other?
I can imagine if they find an 18 year old she might feel a darn sight more sexually interested in the 24 year old than the 53 year old but in the laws of Unicorn, she must be amiable to being courted, romanced and bedded by a man nearly old enough to be her grandad....(I might even make mention of the fact that when 'I' was 18 my dear old mum was.yep ......35!!!).
IMHO, Cenogamy can only work if we dispel of the idea of Monogamous society standards as if this was a regular Gamous dyad (but just more people) A cenogamist or group marriage has to let go of those paradigms and base their commitment not on continued sexual interest and involvement with all sexually available people (in this case MFM vee) but on a mixture of romantic and platonic love, commitment to family and personal ideals. So instead of looking for a woman for 'All of us to share' (blurgh) how about finding a woman that each person can love and commit to in their own way and she can do the same...(yanno, like a...personal choice kind of thing?) For one member of the family it might be full on romantic love, another person it might be a fraternal sort of thing, another person it might be more of a Friend with Benefits...there is no problem with loving people in your family in different ways as long as the main committment is TO the family, not to the relationship structure.
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