So, in the event that I don't find some 60ish year old man who wants to adopt an adult daughter who is barking mad with a similarly insane child, I have to accept the fact that my only real parent is and will ever be, my similarly barking mad mother!
My mum is exactly 17 years and three months my elder and when I was a teenager oh wow, didn't I think she (all 32 years of her at the time) was very old indeed....now I know just how young my mother actually was and how incredibly bewildering she found all this motherhood lark, I don't think my mother is necessarily maternal in the softest sense, she is no earth mother type (though strangely enough I am) but she does love us to bits, I know that for a fact.
My mother can cook but she eventually became the take out queen, her longest relationship was with a pretty cool bloke who was 12 years her junior (ermmm, yeah, he was only five years older than me, it could get a bit strange sometimes) she still misses him, she won't really admit that but I know it is true, but to be quite honest you know what? My mother likes her own company so much more than a full time partner, she likes to do what she wants, when she wants to and the only people she would put up with for an extended period of time would be her children (and grandchild) . I was brought up to believe that I was like my mother, perhaps because we looked more alike (my sister looks like her dad) even now people say I sound exactly like my mother, we have similar handwriting and although I tower over her and have an entirely different shape, I can accept that she and I share enough traits that no one can deny the fact that we are close relations, however, it wasn't until I was well into my teens that someone told my mother that the daughter that she thinks is most like her isn't the one who is most like her, all this time people put SO much on physical resemblance that on the whole, they forgot to look at personalities and indeed it turned out to be true! My sister, who is younger than me and looks exactly like her dad....is my mother's personality clone......they are SO alike that it is freaky (and sometimes annoying) and once my sister's personality really started to assert itself they were at loggerheads, two identical personalities refuses to see the wrong in each other (you can guess why) making me piggie in the middle for at least three years before I moved out (most gratefully).
The interesting thing about my sister is, in observing her, I can have some idea what my mum might have been like had she not got pregnant at 16, she probably, like my sister would not have had children but would have been a very loving aunt. My mother the Aunty....weird.
The only reason I am dwelling on this parenthood lark is because I am wondering whether you can extrapolate some sort of insight into my present day desires from my parentage and upbringing but reading through it all, probably not. I don't actually see any sort of correlation at all, my mother was independent and strong, we never had men coming in and out of our lives at all. I only occasionally fancied being in a large family but it was something fleeting, like my Father's Day adoption thing, it is never constant.
Perhaps it is just what I expected all along, that my desires boil down to my innate Aquarian idealism that has sod all to do with my childhood or sexuality. That is definitely a blog for another day though.
I heart mummy.
x
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