Poly on screen, Big Love and getting Nicki on that damned quiz….again!

I think that since this is a day when we are reeling from the deaths of two iconic stars from the 70’s that I discuss celebrity.

OK, celebrity and Polygamy (I am not really a celebrity follower so forgive me for the lack of real celeb commentary).

We live in a society culturally infused by monogamy (ideal) and serial monogamy (realistic) only rarely do we get media representations of poly relationships.

One of the first I saw was Micki and Maude (not to be confused with the far superior Harold and Maude with Bud Cort) this one saw married man Dudley Moore have an affair, marry his mistress (she had no idea he was married) and then when he is found out, they both forgive him. Cue end sequence of happy poly family.

So we go from adultery to bigamy and finally to polygamy. Perhaps not the best representation on screen and although I know that lots of people become ‘poly through affair’ it is not my preferred form of becoming poly even on screen.

Next one that I can recall is ‘Rita, Sue and Bob too’ which is set in the North of England and is pretty working class and totally unlike the rich and spoilt Manhattan-ites in the Dudley Moore film (although he was from Dagenham, you would never have guessed from the roles he played) this one saw adulterer (yes, again) Bob, have an affair with both of his teenage babysitters (best friends, Rita and Sue) and after being chucked by his wife ends up with a pretty amicable relationship with both girls.

I am sensing a trend. It is almost as if the rejection of monogamy equals the rejection of fidelity and honesty in relationships, I really don’t like it, both films deal with a man who is dishonest but the women either forgive him and/or accept it. Baaah!

Another Poly situation, although Polyandrous, in the same vein is Pleasantville, when the luminous Joan Allen, has a love Affair *bangs head*with the Ice cream man and local artist (Jeff Daniels) and at the end decides that she doesn’t want to decided between him and her loyal husband (the always fabulous William H. Macy) If you haven’t seen this film than please so, not so much for the Poly business but because the film is a good one and the way the town discovers passion is SO beautiful that I can’t help but be moved. It is truly one of my favourite films.

My favourite all time polygamist on screen is definitely Charles II, portrayed by Rufus Sewell in the BBC miniseries ‘The Power and the Passion’ even though at first his wife (Portuguese and very Catholic Princess Catherine of Braganza) is livid to find out Charles has no intention of leaving his mistresses after their (political) marriage is arranged, she eventually accepts it and he proves his integrity when he refuses to divorce her when it is revealed that she is barren, the politicians are horrified because they know that without a legal heir (he had a LOT of bastards who were all treated well and given peerages, as were his Mistresses) the throne will go to his Catholic younger brother James, however, despite the pressure he was under he refuses to give her up. To me, he is a real mensch!

The end of the series shows Charles, grown old, going through the palace gardens with all his Children, his wife and his many mistresses around him and being contented, now I don’t care about the fact that he never called any of the mistresses ‘wife’ the fact is, this is as close to a proper polygamous situation as you have ever seen represented on screen and had this man been a business man in 2009, instead of a King in 1666, it would be hard to reproach him.

(Incidentally, James was a bit of a disaster and eventually he was deposed by his daughter and son in law, there is no such thing as filial loyalty amongst the royals you know?).
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And finally we come to Big Love (I have probably missed dozens of other poly orientated shows/movies in between, I hope some people enlighten me) which is different from all the other screen representations in that it is not representing people who have ‘found’ themselves in polygamy but people who (mostly) have a background (whether recent Bill and Nicki, or waaaay back, Barb) in polygamy which is part of an historical reality in modern day American FLDS church, the Henricksons’ might be fictional but the beliefs and backgrounds of their characters are more commonplace in certain sections of American society, I have seen Bills, Barbs and Margene’s online, however Nicki’s are less common. Nicki is of interest to me of course because not only were Chloe Sevigny and I born the same year but whenever I take that blasted HBO ‘Big Love’ Which wife are you, quiz I get Nicki! It is bizarre because I am in no way as uptight and proper as she is and although I am committed to Polygamy I am certainly not the type of person who would have let myself be so controlled by my family as she is, her upbringing has turned her into a very manipulative person also, needless to say, I find the fact that I tend to be upfront about my wants and pretty fair minded (I think, but who knows what I would be like on a jury) I have never felt the need to even TRY to be manipulative, isn’t that the act of a person who doesn’t feel they can be open, perhaps because they realise that their demands are unacceptable?
Besides an unhealthy obsession with good food, I don’t think I have any sort of addiction and especially not a shopping one! I am the least consumerist person in my family and don’t even ‘own’ a credit card (I paid off the student one and then cut it in half) I take pride in the fact that besides a student loan that is *ahem* kind of forgotten about..*whistles* and a small overdraft which varies between £300-£700 depending on the time of year. . I don’t actually owe anyone any money, I am not paying off any electrical items or holidays, no car loans or indeed any loans of any kind, of course I could perhaps cut down on some of my more indulgent spending to get rid of the overdraft but I don’t deny myself a little of what I fancy because comparatively speaking, I actually want very little in the way of material goods.
So what is it that makes me like Nicki? Perhaps because she is blunt and practical, she is also very proud of who she is and would prefer to live openly (although she acknowledges that she can’t do that in the suburbs). Perhaps because she is the type of person who would challenge anyone who judges their way of life and gives them a good talking to?
If you remember the strong and positive side that Nicki has, it is less of a burden being a quiz result Nicki and in fact, it could be considered an honour.