Community Building

I have written before (I know, ad nauseum) about how I feel Monogamous Marriage is an institution designed to benefit the State, not the people. I believe that breaking the hold of compulsory Monogamy will strengthen both families and society as a whole, but whenever there is a big movement change, the Status Quo fights back, so it will probably get harder before it gets easier....those of us who can be, should be open and try to change things, remember, the closet doesn't just reinforce privilege, it reinforces the Status quo also.

So, in our Monogamy only state sanctioned system we have various means of community support to reinforce it.  We have media constantly telling us how to meet 'the one' we have dyad focused everything, whether it is forms to be filled or space only for two partners in almost all (except business) situations.  Engagements, weddings, marriage therapy, parents and friends all reinforce the monogamous ideal.

If we wish to live Monogamously we have plenty of support for our chosen lifestyle, Poly folks have no such support in general.  There are small clusters of fundamentalist Mormons who have their Churches (the AUB for example) and Polyamorists gather in metropolitan areas creating their own communities also, but what if you do not live in a very metropolitan area or you do not identify as polyamorist? There is no where to turn to when you encounter problems or pressure to conform, sure we may have an online community of sorts and for many of us that is the only community we are ever likely to have, so it really distresses me when I hear reports from the online Poly-fi/Polygamy community that people have extended the hand of friendship and it been ignored or rebuffed? 

Not only is it wildly self defeating (how do you not know that you could have rebuffed a future ideal partner or a person who will lead you to your ideal partner/s?) but it is also lacking in a common sense approach to life in which a person with a strong support system is likely to succeed more than a person without one.

So many seekers are so naive that they do not realise how much social support they will lose when they enter into this lifestyle, others so arrogant and selfish that they believe that their standing will not change because they will be in the closet and therefore no one need know about their dirty little Polygamous secret (please note, I am being sarcastic) .  Too dim to realise that the community they rejected will be the people they need to talk to when their clueless behaviour stirs up issues in their perfect closeted little poly family, they screw up and start a cycle again with someone new.

Self interest just fuels self interest, even the most compassionate of friends may not really understand the difficulties in a multi adult relationship, parents and other relatives may try to support your life choices but really cannot wait until you come to your senses and give up this whole mad idea, which makes it imperative that we build a strong community, one that may eventually stretch to the real world as well as the cyber world.