Ok, I did not realise Kenya Stevens was Jujumama, ok I have heard of that particular blog, but have never read it in details.Here is a video of her talking about sex positivity and her Open marriage.
I totally agree with Kenya Stevens regarding a lot of sex negativity in the black community, it is a very sad fact that black women are often more repressed than the general population, which may have begun as some sort of religious backlash against the 'rampant over sexualised black female' trope that began with slavery. Whereas white women were virtuous the Madonnas, the African slave women were the Whores, the only way to fight against a trope like that is to try to out virtue the White women.
Far too often you hear sex or even sexualised imagery described as 'disgusting, nasty or dirty'. My mother, even though bred in Britain and fairly young at the time (34) responded in such a way to some of my diary entries that she had found and read when snooping in my room.
It is a sad fact and I praise Kenya for talking against it but really think she is over stressing the 'women are receivers and the man is giving you a gift so you should feel grateful' thing. I SO disagree with that, as well as the onus being upon a woman to lighten up because it is her frigidity that prevents her from having an orgasm through vaginal intercourse! That sort of biological ignorance will quickly make me lose respect for someone....oh I appreciate she is all Tantric and everything, but no amount of heavy breathing will help a pubic bone hit a clitoris if your body does not fit like so. It is up to women to communicate what they enjoy yes, but do not make women out to be failures because PIV doesn't always get them off.
I also watched the Monique clip on the blog and I am astounded by the re-hashing of that whole idea that there is friction between (black) men and women because women are not submissive enough and will not allow the man to be 'King/Leader/in charge etc' I recall the same things being put forth on Oprah twenty years ago when Kenya was still in braces and braids. You see here is the rub and I think Prof. Dixon would approve, where are all these women going to find these Kings? You see it is ok for Kenya Stevens to say that in her position of privilege with her Handsome educated husband, but most women in her community are not as fortunate. It is about time that women stop blaming other women for situations that they really have no control over, it is absolving men almost entirely, did you know in both those quips male inadequacies were not mentioned once! Not once....in the black community are you kidding me???
I get more realism out of Chris Rock.
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One Love Natja.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this analysis and for blogging about Jujumama and black female sexuality. I feel that you are so on point with all the statements that you made. The fact is that the stereotype of the oversexualized (ho) black woman dates back to slavery. And unfortunately we have yet to rid ourselves of that long held belief in society and culture. I for one would like to see Black feminist and womanists invite Kenya K Stevens (aka Hakashemut) on a panel for a discussion so she can clarify her views.
She and her husband Carl Stevens (aka Rakeem Sekou) have built a multi million dollar business with their positive sex teachings which he brought her into. (She developped the Jujumama brand but they work closely in writing books doing presentations and media). Anyway, I feel that since she is growing in the media ( I have a feeling that she's geetting a show soon) we should try in some way to focus her energies into healing the wounds that black folks acquired from centuries of abuse, violence and pain. What you wrote about the frigidity issue and the fact that she practically blames black women for that condition and commands them to change was so heartening for me to read.
Frigidity is simultatenously physiological as it is psychological. And while I believe strongly in the power of the mind to heal if one is not with the loving healer/partner(s) it ain't gonna happen.
I reacted similarly to a comment that she wrote first on her blog and later reiterated on her wall on facebook. She practically claimed that the abuse that she survived as a young girl (she was molested and raped by a woman) helped her to learn to become more sexually free. I was shocked and appalled because I've known so many people who suffered abuse and they never healed and continue to suffer a great deal. And many of them are just as smart and capable as she is. I felt that she was trying to say that her abuse led her to the path of positive sex. It made her promiscuous as a youngster but later she found more healing ways to be sexual.
She is looking for bloggers for her website and she is specifically interested in people who have their own side busineess. You'd be great or it since you are an independent artisan and a poly blogger.
Finally, I feel that the message that she and her husband and the other folks who work with them (that I've read so far) is good and can be useful to black folks. Still, I can't help but feel that she caters to the black male with the Benjamins. There is a real "sex for sale" or "Sex mediates all relationships" type of aura to her approach that makes me uncomfortable.
Blessed love.
Yes, I hear you re: sex mediates, bit. I feel that it is probably her tantric background that it comes from. I don't know how I feel about it, I may watch and read a bit more but I am not certain their beliefs are really progressive enough.
ReplyDeleteOne Love Natja.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the response. I actually used to like the idea of tantra and I was taken in or seduced by some in the polyamory community onliine who practice it. Folks like Kamala Devi who does Tantric Theatre and some others have pushed it as being almost equivalent to polyamory or a medium through which one can become more poly (happy).
I just read a post on Jujumama by a woman from India who supposedly knows a lot about Tantra and she claims that according to the teachings we're not supposed to stop making love and having sex at 45 years old! I couldn't believe that especially since I had previously read that many women reach their sexual peak in their 40s. I have to read more and research the stuff.
I still really like the sexual healing that the Tantra movement online provides. It has been really helpful to me.
I like reading the post by Dr. Glickman on the Goodvibrations online magazine. He is a trained sex therapist and he is so open minded about so many issues. There are others who blog on goodvibes about polyamory in all of its configurations. At this time there is one sex therapist from Northern California who has begun this Sex Safari and the first couple of blogs dealt with BDSM and Swinging and the next one will be focused on polyamory.
Blessed love.