psm #6

Don't use objective possession when referring to an ex Poly partner.............

When we had Mary

No one does that in monogamy.......I never say 'When I had John' to refer to my ex.  I either say 'When I was married to/lived with John' 

Why?  Because he is a person, not a dog! (Well.....actually coming to think on it....) Why do people insist on objectifying other human beings in that way?  Sometimes they really do post like they are waiting for a puppy.

"I can't wait to have a sisterwife/meet our sisterwife'

Insert puppy into the above lines and it works doesn't it?  Would any of the women (and usually it is the women) have written a post like that during their single lives?  "I can't wait to have a husband/meet my husband" would bring about charges of desperation regarding the former term or weird passivity with the latter.  I do understand that it may partially come from a Christianised cultural background where people are expected to wait for a god to bring another person into their lives but....it is attraction, common interests and shared goals that bring people together and it is respect, commitment and love which keeps them together.
 
If you want to describe how things went with an ex Poly situation, describe it in a way you would any of your past exes.  So, do not write 'When we had Mary' write 'When Mary lived here' or 'when we shared a home with Mary'  Try to insert  'a puppy' this time and it does not work as well, it sounds a little less appropriate for an animal..