Cross posting from .net

A female single woman was bemoaning couples seeking practice recently, (Yanno, the usual stuff) so this was my (slightly edited) reply..

What you are experiencing is an unfortunate by-product of internet dating changed and corrupted somewhat by it being a Poly situation. Couples who share this wild and wacky search for '[i]someone who will fit in with them[/i] often revel in their new hobby and sometimes it gets obsessive, especially if the search is long and/or one of the members of the partnerships feels that all their happiness is dependant on taking this step.

Women are particularly liable to fall into this for one reason, the highlighting of, and romantification of, the Sisterwife relationship. Women who have come into this after  watching Big Love and Sisterwives without examining other Poly systems and issues have a wildly unrealistic ideal of the lifestyle and an (uninformed) One true wayism based on the ideals they have garnered from these shows and wish to adapt to their lives.  Which includes looking for a best friend for herself first!  It is precarious because men don't always look for a woman who is suitable for Poly, but women don't always look for a woman suitable for HER husband, she really wants someone for herself and that is where you get your second scenario.

At the end of the day, I believe in Poly relationships but I feel this sort of seeking tends to bring out the worst in people, I was lucky enough to join a discussion site first and make friends rather than feeling like I am in a meat  market seeing of my Stats are good enough for people who may become a little bit tyrannical about the search or whether despairing that people are so desperate that they will say yes to anyone who says hello to them. If someone is doing that to you, they don't give a fig who you are or what you need out of life and/or a relationship, they just [b]wants them a woman![/b] You are smart to steer clear of that and very self aware to ask about it, it was because of hearing single seeking Poly (and once being on the tail end myself) women bemoan bad couples behaviour and also seeing couples make the same mistakes time after time that encouraged us to start our blog!