No rose coloured lenses here.....

Just ruminating on the Mormon Fundamentalists some more and realising that although it works for them and I totally support their right to live how they choose I am obviously not a fan of a Patriarchal structure that follows laws designed to control the sexuality of women, which granted, is an issue in heterosexual Monogamous relationships also.
Then I started thinking about Big Love and how their lives were so restricted by Patriarchy  a rather strict sex negative (the body is a temple, sex is the most precious of marital sacraments blah blah stuff) attitude ingrained in the men which derives from the very sex negative culture of sexuality in the 19thc. American Christianity  which Mormonism derived from. 

One of the most explicit Polyamory is better moments for me was with the introduction of Ana, Ana was European, non religious and sexually experienced.  She knew nothing of Mormon fundamentalism but was respectful about it.  Bill and Ana had such chemistry but Bill was hesitant  to pursue a relationship because he did not know if it was love or lust, which of course caused some terribly hurt feelings when he stood Ana up.  You see, in PolyA, you need not know straight away of you want to make a lifelong committment with someone, you relate to a person for who they are, not necessarily what they can do for you or what level of committment in the future they can give to you, everything is subject to negotiation and re-negotiation, Bill standing up Ana, because he was not sure he wanted to marry her would not be an issue.

Furthermore, Bill would have needed to deal with Margene's attraction to Goren and possible relationship with him in the same way the women deal with their jealousies on a daily basis.  Goren was a pretty nice guy, he was stepping up to the plate for Ana and Bill's unborn son and Ana bless her, was not threatened by the attraction between Margie and Goren, I really don't know what HBO was thinking (except maybe that the status quo is God) but, in my mind, they were mad not to peruse that storyline, after all, Ana was Margene's friend really  and had more compatible ideals (than Barb and Nicki) since they were both Mormon outsiders.  Ana moving in with Margie (as Margie originally wanted) Ana having her baby with TWO men who loved her, her best friend and two other sisterwives who actually liked her.....would that kid ever wanted for ANY attention and love at all?  Hardly!  Instead he will be raised in Bosnia and eventually find out his birth father was a Mormon Fundamentalist who was gunned down after a trampled grass incident!!  Save up for therapy now Ana!!!!!
In my Polyamory alternative to Big Love, Nicki could have told everyone about her bit of ADA beefcake and Barb could have dealt with  her unresolved sexual chemistry with that very attractive Native American businessman Tommy Flute rather than her being off limits because she is OPP!

So anyway, in my ideal Big Love alternative we have a big Poly family of six adults, ten children and two metamores, because there is no Patriarchal BS about women not  having the Priesthood or not being  Polyandrous (isn't there some accounts of early Mormon Polygamous women having two living husbands also?) Barb can explore her growing liberal Mormon beliefs and eventually be the one who leads the family in all the religious celebrations. Nicki could keep working to pay off her debt, Margene would still be a successful businesswoman, Ana would be taking care of her baby, Goren and Bill would be working,  Ben wouldn't be such an annoying twerp, Sarah may not have rushed into a totally ill-advised young marriage just to escape her totally stifling secretive upbringing and maybe Tansy would not have disappeared after so drastically changing appearance. Phew.......I am sorry but my imaginary version of the family is SO much better!!!
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